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ARE YOU SATISFIED? SONG LIST:

1. friendship (4:27)
2. breathing on hope (4:06)
3. completeness (3:50)
4. lo que nos haga fuerte/what makes us strong (4:50)
5. are you satisfied? (3:25)
6. our grief is not a cry for war (3:32)
7. ode to the heart (4:40)
8. this African land (3:33)
9. dangerous (4:49)
10. goddessmother (5:28)
11. where love grows (2:39)
12. modern day medicine woman (3:26)
13. the phoenix (1:55)


All songs written by Laurie F. Childers © 2004
AYSWEB


LYRICS:

1. friendship Two different friendships, very different situations, both at an impasse. 1992 (4:27)

I’m musing now on friendships so strong but then tested
how we tend to trust and toss away caution
and bravely we ask for a little bit more

it seemed a simple request, I might have been a bit ungraceful
it seemed a simple request, I wouldn’t want to appear ungrateful
it seemed a simple request, a truth I had known for so long
but you weren’t ready, and in our surprise we both pulled away

as I grow I can no longer ignore
the seventh sense that signifies the importance of speaking my truth
above the desperate clamoring of my fear
I listen to the reasons my fear gives for silence
and they sound like heavy chains in a medieval dungeon

the spiral comes around, I know once I learn to speak freely
wisdom calls for silent, patient, listening

there are those who delve for reasons,
who dredge to clear the water deep
there are those who prefer to let the past lie undisturbed
they tread carefully, only on the surface
shallow waters or deep: what’s your choice?
which feels safest to you?

it seemed a simple request, I might have been a bit ungraceful
it seemed a simple request, I wouldn’t want to appear ungrateful
it seemed a simple request, a truth I had known for so long
but life it can be quite contrary, how does a friendship grow?
ah - I’m listening now keenly listening now
I want to learn how
life it can be quite contrary, how does a friendship grow?
life it can be quite contrary, how does a friendship grow?

Laurie: piano, vocals; Kent White: saxophone


2. breathing on hope Hiking in the wilderness of Mt Hood inspired a poem; nine years later it became a song. 1982/1991 (4:06)

breathing on hope
breathing on wanting it to be
and knowing, once I’ve experienced, that I can

we are bigger than all of this, I know from my dreams
and moments of determination
when I have directed my own birth

I am loving the climb of this mountain
up this high, the view is tremendous
closer to the sun, the energy to move my body comes
more from the silent fire of the sky than any earthly food

I know it in my breath, I know it in my breath, I know it in my breath

this wilderness island above the clouds
is perfect in its worship, and clear in its welcome
open to the sky - a burst of joy!

in subtle ways She has allowed me a glimpse as if to say:
yes life is precious, a jewel of mysterious beauty
but now you know from the sparkle that there’s more going on
go - do what you can in the low of the land
find that sparkle in the soil and the sand

I’ll know it in my breath

breathing on hope
breathing on wanting it to be
and knowing once I’ve experienced that we can

I’ll know it in my breath

Laurie: piano, vocals; David Burham: violin



3. completeness This song came as a resolution of a conflict with someone I love, one that had troubled me for some time. 2001 (3:50)

some people blame their father or mother, some people blame their sister or brother
some people need to blame an other, some always blame themselves

some believe that it’s divine will, some people blame the devil, and still -
some always blame society, some claim that it’s karma, some destiny

is there a joy that brings no sorrow? find me a day with no tomorrow
doesn’t sadness speak of sweetness? don’t these pieces become completeness?

psychology, theology, philosophy, you and me
psychology, theology, philosophy, what do you see?

it seems to me we make our choices: we stay mute, or we raise our voices
is there an action that risks no pain? find me a loss that brings no gain

psychology, theology, philosophy, you and me
psychology, theology, philosophy, let it be

some believe that it’s divine will, some people blame the devil, and still -
some always blame society, some claim that it’s karma, some destiny

is there a joy that brings no sorrow? find me a day with no tomorrow
doesn’t sadness speak of sweetness? don’t these pieces become completeness? /

psychology, theology, philosophy, you and me
psychology, theology, philosophy, what do you see? let it be completeness

Laurie: piano, vocals; Kent White: saxophone; Niomi Morr: electric bass;
Roger Briand: accordion, percussion, background vocals



4. lo que nos haga fuerte/what makes us strong Written in Chile and translated and finished in Oregon, 1998/99 (4:50)

quiero vivir sin mentiras
quiero vivir mi verdad
sentimientos siempre libres
imposible, imposible

quiero vivir sin miedo
como el viento buscando mis deseos
pero a veces placer viene con un precio
y he aprendido a pensar de nuevo

es necesario que se controle el cuerpo
es importante, y difícil, que se controle la mente
pero nunca quiero control del corazón
sea una muerte lamentable
que terrible, que terrible

y me digo
con el tiempo, queremos lo que nos haga fuerte
toma tiempo querer lo que nos haga fuerte
it takes time to love what makes us strong
it takes time to love what makes us strong

it’s necessary to control the body
it’s important, and it’s hard, to control the mind
but I never want to control my heart
that’s a terrible death, that’s a terrible death, that’s a terrible death

I want to live without fear
like the wind, seeking joy and my desire
but sometimes pleasure comes at such a price
that I have learned, I have learned to think twice

I want to live without lies
I want to live my truth
feelings always free
but it can’t be - ah, it can’t be
not this time, it can’t be
not this time, it can’t be
and I tell myself (I keep telling myself)
it takes time to love what makes us strong
it takes time to love what makes us strong
it takes time, it takes time

Laurie: piano, vocals



5. are you satisfied? Sending out invitations to an August women’s circle/birthday celebration, I realized I should give a theme that we’d be focusing on. Usually this is inspired by what nature is doing at the time. I thought of Darryla’s dahlias, and wrote down the phrase “full bloom,” and then “satisfaction.” That was the genesis of a long and revealing conversation about satisfaction and contentment with 11 women in that dahlia garden, and 12 days later I awoke with this song in my head. 2002. (3:25)

are you content? are you satisfied?
do you accept what life has brought?
or struggle hard for what you’ve sought?
are you content? or are you satisfied?

are you content with this mystery?
never sure, never knowing, only feel the river flowing
are you content with this miracle?
this breath, this conscious moment, life unfolding like the lotus,
have you found the place the Buddha pointed to?

and yet the wise woman said, honor your discontent!
it can guide the transformation of yourself and of the nation
are you listening? are you speaking out?
attentive to direction, giving your habits some correction
and may you find contentment as you struggle free
struggle free
like the butterfly from her cocoon
struggle free

did you satisfy those urges and desires?
did you feed those hungry fires? burning brighter, burning higher?
are you satisfied? did you finish what you started?
did you do it all wholehearted?
did you feel that tiny moment of ecstasy?
ecstasy?

are you content? and are you satisfied?
do you accept what life has brought?
and struggle hard for what you’ve sought?
are you content? and are you satisfied?
satisfied

Laurie: rhythm guitar, vocals; Gerry Remple: lead guitar;
Kent White: saxophone; Roger Briand: electric bass, percussion



6. our grief is not a cry for war Sept 2001, when everything changed. (3:32)

Down at Union Square people lay flowers and light candles
in a silence weighted with memories and emotion
To Washington and the world, they proclaim:
“Our grief is not a cry for war, oh, no - our grief is not a cry for war.”

They came out of the blue sky of a September morning
In a few terrifying moments, some 3 thousand stories came to an end
The stories each touch me, the lives lost, and those that were saved
Every one I hear finds me crying
We share this grief, in that we are truly united

But Mr. President, don’t you understand?
There are many innocents in the path of your army
The Afghani woman trying to feed her child is not our enemy - I fear for her
The Iraqi woman cradling her dying child is innocent too - and I cry for her too
Our compassion doesn’t stop at the border
We want no more victims of war; we want no more victims of war

Down at Union Square people lay flowers and light candles
in a silence weighted with memories and emotion
To Washington and the world, they proclaim:
“Our grief is not a cry for war, oh, no - our grief is not a cry for war.”

Laurie: guitar, vocals; Roger Briand: guitar, electric bass, percussion


7. ode to the heart My grandfather dying slowly, images of my sister Karen not so long gone, thinking about the heart - physical and metaphysical - which sustains us. 21 years later I rewrote the last 4 lines. Kansas 1982/Oregon 2003 (4:40)

feels like you’ve just left the touch of my fingers
there you are in the light beyond my reach
I can feel love in the palms of my hands
dancing blood to the rhythm of the heart
oh the heart gives to the dying day
saying yes, saying love is a working way

I’d fight myself with who I’d think I ought to be
I would chain the child, but the warden sure ain’t free
oh the heart loves even the judge
but never minds those thoughts
it’s only what we really know and live that matters
only what we really know and live

oh the heart loves even the needing
but never minds desire
it’s only what we really are and love that matters
only what we really are and love

taught to speak before I had this cause to listen
I was forced to choose before I understood why
now I’m learning the heart is teacher to the judge
we can learn many things from the wisdom of love
we can bring about miracles with the deep strength of love
we can always find hope and joy in the endurance of love

we can be what we need to be trusting the power of love

Laurie: piano, vocals; Kent White: saxophone


8. this African land Headed to Kakamega for a Ministry of Energy project with $10,000 Ksh, a stack of bills too big to hide. Flat tire, the driver had sold the spare for booze, I refused to get on a crowded bus, so we slept restlessly in the cab of the pickup. He was terrified we’d be robbed and killed. Wild dreams all night. And then I heard the drums of a funeral parade just before dawn . . . A song of gratitude to the country of Kenya, for experiences both endearing and challenging. “ Uhuru” means “freedom” in Kiswahili. 1983 (3:33)

flat tire that night outside of Kericho - dark, rain, cold
I woke softly, sunrise, between green tea fields -
hills quiet, with life,
and I was glad

this African land has been a friend to me,
has challenged me, and comforted me
this African land has been a mother to me
has offered me a place to be

uhuru

the stories in the footpaths and the many songs in children’s eyes
burn clean the rusty edges of my very soul, redefine
I’m not afraid to feel

this African land, lover to me
vivid touch, intimacy
this African land, mirror to me
dark-eyed people need to live free

uhuru

Laurie: piano, vocals, Uluyia funeral drum; Roger Briand: background vocals


9. dangerous The images and memories come from many places, many moments; the pivotal moment in Guatemala. Oct 1999 (4:49)

they told us there were too many of you and that you were dangerous
they told us you weren’t ready for democracy
and that you didn’t know how to manage the land

and so they sent aid, military aid, mercenary soldiers to defend the feudal landlords against your demands for respect, for a living wage, for family time, for land of your own

they told us there were too many of you, and that you were dangerous
there was something about a threat to our way of life, that you would take it all away
you were either godless communists, or religious fanatics (not like us!)
and lived colorless lives, never smiling in the pictures in the magazines,
nor on the TV news: rebel armies in olive green, running, with long guns.

and so they sent aid, military aid, mercenary soldiers to defend the feudal landlords against your demands for respect, for a living wage, for family time, for land of your own

they told us there were too many of you, and that you were dangerous
but when I sat at your table, and laughed at your jokes, and I met the shining faces of your children . . . I suddenly remembered those words from long ago, and I knew it was all a lie, I knew they were all lies, ironic lies, tragic lies

so many of us are so sorry that so many of you died,
or had your lives torn and shattered by our wars
the torture and wrenching of families is never worth the low prices we pay for the coffee, the cotton and fruit that you grow - nor the oil that’s drilled from your land, nor the clothes and the shoes that you sew, nor the plastic trinkets that clutter our homes

and may you find love enough in the ruins,
may there be blessings that rain on your land,
may all the governments of our countries tell the truth
and stop the greedy madness, and let you live in peace,
let us all live in peace
and stop the greedy madness, and let you live in peace,
let us all live in peace
and stop the greedy madness, and let you live in peace,
let us all live in peace

Laurie: piano, vocals; Gerry Remple: electric guitar; Niomi Morr: electric bass;
Skip Jones: percussion; Roger Briand: orchestration



10. goddessmother When my daughter was born, I asked a dear friend Amy, if something should happen to me, that she take Julia to women’s circles, this eclectic blend of ancient spiritual traditions that have so enriched my life. On a magical weekend at the beach, I had occasion to remind them of this recently, and said, “you’re her . . . goddessmother!” What I was asking of her became a song. When I got home I discovered that it has the rhythm of the waves in it. 2002 (5:28)

please tell her the stories as you light the candles
and sing the traditional songs

and give the ancient blessing raise the chalice high
drink from the sacred cup

teach her to feast with her beloveds, and feed the stranger
listen to everyone’s stories

all hold hands under the sun and moon
all in the circle none left alone

please be her goddessmother, should the need arise
give her the tools and teach her their uses
may her hands and heart be wise
and be clear her voice and eyes

may she receive the gifts of animals, learn the many medicines
feel the power, feel the guidance within her
may her hands and heart be wise
and be clear her voice and eyes

meditate in the golden light sisters all around
take the journey of life
feel the seed in your center watch it first grow down
find your root woman, accept her gifts
feel your trunk and branches reach up - tell us your story
we will listen to you
this is your sacred space, it is always within you

we are an ancient grove of trees
encircling a sacred spring
wherever our branches may reach and grow
our roots stay entwined

all hold hands under the sun and moon
all in the circle none left alone

we are an ancient grove of trees
encircling a sacred spring
wherever our branches may reach and grow
our roots stay entwined

Laurie: guitar, vocals; Gerry Remple: guitar



11. where love grows This song was insistent yet elusive in the writing and remained so until David put on the magnificent violin tracks. 1999 (2:39)

where love grows we seek fruits
but where love deepens is in the roots
we reach down to draw strength
to fill our thirst for spiritual truths

where love lives waits patience
whose eyes have seen the soul’s need
where joy lives we find acceptance
who finds delight in the smallest things

where hope thrives the one who seeds
knows it may be another who harvests food
where peace dwells hearts are grateful
for those who planted the possibilities

where love grows we seek fruits
but where love deepens is in the roots
we reach down to draw strength
to fill our thirst for spiritual truths

Laurie: piano, vocals; David Burham: violin


12. modern day medicine woman For Amy and Sarah Livia. We were young, and finding our power. 1982 (3:26)

the modern day medicine woman
needs to know where she stands
singing between the spirits
and the socio-political world

the modern day medicine woman
knows a secret about her love
she dances her ancient soul
cries her sorrows full
and roaming the planet
she listens and she’s learning
loving

she offers you flowers for the pain
a smile will relax you
she touches our deepest darkest stones
and leaves inside a place where birds fly in light
let this body heal
let this heavenly body heal

she keeps a temple among the trees
and is grateful for the silence
to ease constant thought
and she rises again to work
let this heavenly body heal
let this heavenly body heal

Laurie: Rhodes piano, vocals; Roger Briand: orchestration



13. the phoenix Inspired by a friend who left an abusive husband and the next day got attacked by a rapist. She did many things to love herself back to center in that first week. Meanwhile Yugoslavia was at war. I got to thinking, how do we humans survive the worst things that happen to us? 1999 (1:55)

what kind of bird could rise from these ashes?
what color plumes might emerge in the sunlight?
what kind of song could break open the silence?
what vision comes clear when the smoke drifts away?

what kind of bird will arise from these ashes?
spread your strong wings, tempered by fire
fly to a new perch, trustworthy and high
build you a new nest, securely anchored
and feathered with the softest down of love

and be it a harsh cry, or a delicate melody
sing me the song of your wisdom
and be it a soft sigh, or a determined rhythm
sing me the truth of your vision

Laurie: vocals, rattles


all songs by Laurie F. Childers © 2004